someone get that fucking seahorse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
