you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
