My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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