I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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