Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
