I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
