I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
