I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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