I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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