So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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