dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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