i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
