I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
