I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
