Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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