I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
