dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
