you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
