no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
