It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
