I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
