I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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