Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
