im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
