but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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