this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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