you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
