I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize