So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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