just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
