im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
