before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
