yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
