i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
