Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
