Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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