Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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