the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize