4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
