I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
