Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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