how can u be prego again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize