No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
