separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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