everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize