so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
