carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
