hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
