If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Small penises have feelings too.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
