i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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