I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize