I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
