She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
