what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
