Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
