They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
