I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize