if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
