there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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