We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How external is "for external use only"?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
