so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
