Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
