I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
