Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
