She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
