ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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