ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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