She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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