Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
