the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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