i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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