I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
