dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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