well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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