wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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