You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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