Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
