I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
