that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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