do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
