My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
