I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
