I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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