it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
