Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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