every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
