Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
