I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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