i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
