Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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