Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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