so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have demons in me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am mentally ready for anal.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
