it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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