I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
