he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
