That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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