Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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